"i am a creative girl stumbling my way back to magnificence <3"
Jane's an artist. She's also, as she calls herself on her Reframing Your Story site - a "story midwife". And I can tell you (because I have bragging rights to being Jane's first Reframing Your Story customer) that she is quite the midwife. Stories are gently and safely delivered - and your life is never the same...
Read on - you'll be wanting to meet Jane in person, too (oooh, can we all travel together?):
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How Do You See Yourself as a Square-Peg?
When I would talk about how things were for me you'd see that kind of quizzical, slightly uncomfortable look on people's faces - so you kind of realize that maybe you're not on completely the same wavelength.
That's always been my experience really. And the more that I've grown into myself and reached out for the things that nourish me the more that's pushed me away from things. Well, not away from, but differentiated me from the people I'm around on a daily basis - to that kind of feeling just slightly other.
It doesn't mean that I'm shut in a small room with 17 smelly cats, or anything like that - although I have had a fancy of being that old lady when I grow up!
But I find myself, in most situations, having to translate what's in my heart to what will work for somebody else. It's like having a different heart language and you have to kind of be your own interpreter.
I hadn't thought about it before, but that does describe how it feels to me; and it makes it a lot of work to interact with the rest of the world.
I think I'm much less social than I used to be. I value myself now, and I don't feel as wrong as I used to. I don't have to try desperately to change myself or prove to everybody else that I'm a person that's worthy of attention and kindness and the stuff I so desperately sought as a young woman.
I value the things that nourish me - that makes me a lot quieter because I have a lot less to contribute to conversations about clothes and money and houses and all of that kind of stuff.
I'm around lots of people who've got good hearts, but they're not connected to the things that light my life up, so I don't have much to add to that whole kind of general day-to-day chattery conversation stuff.
I used to be really good at that because I learned that language - it was the language of my family. Being around other people - that was where you got your acknowledgment from. I learned that really well.
I was actually kind of a show-offy child. I knew that I had to seek approval outside myself to be of any value. So I've kind of gone the other way - from somebody who was always out there, I was the class clown - to be quite, well - I think some of the people that I know think I'm quite withdrawn, but I don't feel like that at all.
My life feels much richer because I'm not trying to constantly prove something other than my truth.
My truth is that I'm a creative person. I need quite a lot of solitude to actually connect with the inspiration and to practice my work. And if I'm sitting around talking about houses and cars and toenail polish colors it's quite difficult for me to have enough energy to do my heart's work.
So I was a big show off - cartwheeling in front of everybody, trying to get everybody to notice me - to now actually finding it quite (I have to say this) kind of lonely. Because when you don't have somebody in your regular life that you can have those heart-firing conversations with it's a little bit sad, but thank god for the internet!
{On the internet} you find people like yourself who actually, instead of having that confounded look on their face, you can feel them, across the planet, nodding their heads.
So that's how it works for me now. I do spend a lot of time at home where I used to be out and about a lot. Now it's just kind of home and in my work room.
I live in a pretty small place - there are a few people who I feel really connected to, but I think I'm hitting the crone years. I am the old lady in the cave a bit more.
I asked Jane about having been class clown - and turning that around. I wondered if it happened gradually and/or how it come about.
Before that I would push them away, because: "No, that isn't for me" and "That's a bit weird" ruled me much more.
It was sad because the more I did the things I loved the kookier I became to people
who I spent a lot of time and energy on - and the more they dropped away.
That was sad because I am a loving person, and when I connect to somebody that's a big pipe coming out of my heart. If I value somebody, that's quite a strong thing - and so that was hard!
But thank god for the internet because there are people who came into my life who don't necessarily live in the same town but have the same kind of values and heart callings really.
And so I've just replaced people that I like, but don't feel a strong heart-spirit connection with, with people who I do feel a spirit connection with, but can't see every day.
How Do You Maintain Your Square-Pegness (in a round-hole world)?
Like the other day: I was feeling really drained and kind of scattered. My daughter was playing on the trampoline with her little friend and I didn't think about it, I just went and lay down in the paddock and watched the clouds for a bit.
My daughter's friend was like: "What's wrong with your mum - she's just lying in the middle of the grass?" My daughter said: "She's just looking at the clouds." - she knew it was alright, she knew it was fine. The friend was like: "ohmygod, do we call the men in the white coats?".
I think I've had to build a lot of resilience to that constant abrading. It does feel like when you don't fit in and you're a Square-Peg and you're trying to shove yourself in a round hole - things get bumped and bruised and scratched.
So I have to build up my reservoir, fill my own cup, choose the option which is kind - and actually do lots of inner child work.
When I'm scared and feeling crappy I go in and comfort Little Me, saying: "It's ok Honey. Don't worry about it, you're alright. I'm doing the right thing here." That's been incredibly nourishing, because I think the one that wanted approval was the little girl who was quite clear that she wasn't quite right and desperately wanted to be accepted.
So it's my work now to go and let her know I accept her. And just make choices that nourish me, find things - seek things that nourish me and latch onto them like a limpid {laughing} even though there's not a lot of stuff here where I live.
Well, physically there is - the environment is really beautiful. So going outside and being in nature is really nourishing.
Then, you know, my creativity and having the courage to just try stuff. Not feeling like I have to be perfect, not feeling like I have to turn out work, for example:
My daughter's friend's mom came to pick her up the other day - she walked into my art work space and there are so many pieces lying around in various states of repair and disrepair.
One of these is kind of confronting. I don't have her up because she's confronting, I have her up because she really nourishes me - she's a very Baba Yaga figure. She's all naked and ugly and scary looking - and this girl's mom, I could see her trying to control her "Oh, dear lord - something really big is going on here" kind of face.
So, she asked me about my painting: "Do you do this much?"
and I said "Yes, that's what I do all the time."
"Where do you sell it?"
"I actually haven't sold anything. I do it because it's really good for me - that's what I need to do now."
The look on her face was like: "That just doesn't make any sense."
But I know, for me, that there's so much life in making things and expressing myself and there's so much healing in that. I couldn't give it up for anything.
So, even though it doesn't make sense to lots of people that I spend my time and a bit of money on, you know, things like paints and canvas and stuff - that's so valuable to me. Just listening to what I need to do - and doing it regardless of the "Ohdeargod, what a weirdo" looks.
I asked Jane: "How did you figure out what nourishes you - how do you go about that?"
For a long time I didn't know. But I think that was because I was so busy trying to do the things that made me fit in I didn't make space to listen to that.
I believe that all of us know what nourishes us - and know what we really need. But we either don't take the space to really listen to it - or we dismiss it as stupid, like:
"ohmygod it's far too weird to go and lie down in the paddock when you should be doing dinner", but five minutes lying in the grass and I was so much nicer to everybody when I came in. I didn't try to push through it, wasn't mean to myself - I just did what I needed to do.
And that changes all the time. I don't always need to be lying in the paddock. I might need to take my phone out sometimes, or I might need to just sit and brush my hair, or I might need to have a nice cup of tea out of a lovely cup.
There are lots of little things you can do that are rather nourishing. I think it's quite self-fulfilling because the more you listen to yourself, and the more you act on it, you're rewarding yourself - and it's positive reinforcement really.
The more you listen the more you get brave enough to say yes the next time - or, if you dismiss yourself by not following those little urges the quieter that voice gets.
But the more you listen to it the stronger the little voice gets, so you just naturally know what's going to work for you and what's not. That voice gets strong enough to say: "You really need to read this book!" and you pick it up and think: "Ohmygod, how did I live without this book?"
Or it says: "Actually you really need to walk on the beach" and you go walk on the beach - and you find this piece of wood that you use in a fantastic piece of artwork and that pushes you in a whole other direction. So it's listening to that little voice that's always in there and will tell you what you need.
I asked: "How does it feel when you pick the right thing?"
I guess there's a lightness. I'm not stuck in that sludgy place anymore.
What's Been the Hardest for You as a Square-Peg?
I'm 46 now, and I think I'm still struggling to be totally authentic.
I mean, there are times when it's not safe to expose your tender truth to people. And I do feel like that quite a bit in my daily life, which is why I came to be a bit quieter now - because I know it doesn't always suit me to be talking about what's most important to me when I'm around people who I know will scorn it.
So I guess authenticity's been a really big deal for me in the fact that I haven't been able to be authentic in lots of spheres of my life - I felt like if they knew the real me they wouldn't accept me. That's kind of tough to live with.
In the last little while I've had to learn that it's ok to have something that you choose not to share.
I grew up in a house where it was totally valid to read my diary and eavesdrop...so I had very little privacy as a kid, and I thought that when you love somebody you let them have everything - and when you were trying to connect with somebody you didn't, you couldn't, stop them from knowing everything.
So that's actually been something I've had to unlearn.
And it's not that I'd expose myself to bad people necessarily, but having your heart's deepest sort of truths and secrets out in front of people who are going to stand back and go: "Whaaaaaat? That's just weird!" and walk away acting like you'd popped a fart...
your truth is precious - and if you aren't going to value what is precious to you then nobody else will value it either.
What's Your Favorite Square-Peg Trait?
I guess what I admire in Square-Pegs is fearlessness, courage in the face of feeling scared.
Courage is a really beautiful quality, and it doesn't mean that you don't shit yourself sometimes. It doesn't mean fearless - like you never experience fear.
It means that you still actually think: "My truth is truth, I'm following it regardless of what's going on."
Yet Square-Peg People are usually, in my experience - well, they've had enough insight in what it's like to not be accepted, so they tend not to be steamrollery kind of people.
They don't push other people around with their courage, don't try to make everybody fit in with them. They just follow their own path, even though they might not be getting really positive feedback about it at the time.
What Are Your Favorite Books?
Oooh baby, I'm sitting in my TV room and we've got a bookshelf that runs 3/4 of the way around the room!
My favorite books are, not necessarily in order of importance, because all of these books are equally important:
The Concise Oxford Dictionary. I love words! Each word - the root of the word - tells such a rich story. I mean, I just love it!
If I was on a desert island and could only have a couple books, the dictionary would be there.
Women Who Run With the Wolves - an excellent read. It makes me cry every time I read it. I'm almost finished it for the first time in my life, even though I've owned it for about 20 years. I couldn't bear for it to be finished before, it felt like such a rich vein of nourishment - a huge nourishing bit for me, actually.
The way the stories speak, and the way that she gets that whole loneliness thing - the wild woman archetype.
In the very beginning she talks about standing in church and your tail keeps falling out underneath your skirt - and your ears twitch. I so often feel like that - when I'm in the PTA meeting I often get the image of the tail slipping out.
Last, but by no means least, a series of books called The Maeve Chronicles by Elizabeth Cunningham.
I went into the library looking for a book to read (the library has special fairies that come out and choose books for me - and they do a bloody good job, I'll tell you!) - I was in the C section and I vainly looked: "Oh, Cunningham, I bet she's a good writer".
I picked up this book and it changed my life. Honestly, I could not believe the impact that it had on me. Elizabeth has created this character that embodies the wild woman and also connects to the whole story of Christ, which speaks to me - it has the whole Celtic religion.
It's a great story and it's also so nourishing in a way that I can't explain or say enough about. The new book's coming out this month - she's written four books and this is the last one in the series.
She's been a most gracious stalkee - I was so powerfully moved by these books I felt I had to contact this author and say how powerful I think they are. We've become correspondents now. She's a very gracious woman.
Those are my books.
Jane also mentioned The Alphabet Versus the Goddess, by Leonard Shlain:
It's an extremely intriguing read. I went through a slight period, after reading this, where I didn't want to talk to books anymore. {Laughing} Now I'm back being friends with books and words.
He talks alot about how the development of written language has A) changed the shape of our brain, and B) changed us and the place of woman in society.
This was a really profound read for me!
I loved it! My husband hated it! He'd be reading in bed and I'd be reading it {The Alphabet and the Goddess} in bed, and every couple seconds I'd be like: "Oh, listen to this" - and he couldn't get any reading done.
Because you have to be really putting your brain into gear - it's really wordy and erudite - it's got big stuff in it.
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For further Jane info please check out her blog Seeds of the Numinous
"the place where i share the way the numinous appears in my life because all of it, even the crap, are seeds of the numinous"
You can read about (and consider blessing yourself with!) Jane's glorious work with stories at Reframing Your Story.
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Read more Square-Peg Interviews here!
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(Full Disclosure: we're affiliates of Amazon.com - so when you buy from the book links above you don't pay a penny more, but you help support Square-Peg People. Thanks!)
